There is something in my life that isn’t serving me anymore and I know logically that it is time to give it up, but I struggle. I am still clinging to the promise of what could be. Even after a few years of working on personal growth and knowing what needs to be done to be successful with this venture, I just haven’t succeeded and I am sick of feeling bad about that.
This particular venture calls for networking. I have social anxiety. This is not a good mix. It also means having deep belief in a line of products that I do love and think everyone should have, but I do think people can do without them too.
My husband has seen it for a while now. He gently nudged and told me that he didn’t see me having fun with it. In fact, he often sees me beating myself up about it.
Why is that?
I know I am not the only person in the world to be harder on herself than others would be. Why do I insist on continuing to do something that grates on my soul? It only gives me the “pleasure” of feeling bad for not accomplishing goals and guilty for not doing that which I know I SHOULD be doing, but don’t really want to do.
It also has to do with failure. I am thoroughly educated about growth mindset and I know that failure leads to learning, but I still wanted to be one of those success stories. I am not sure I ever wanted it enough. Or is that really it? I don’t know. Yet, I know it is time to stop beating myself up and investing money in something that I know just isn’t going anywhere because I just don’t really want to do the work.
It’s time to get real
I am declaring to myself right here and now that I am done with this. Time to join the ranks of many other people who have decided that this is just not the right thing for them. No guilt. No more beating myself up. I am saying yes to letting this go and giving myself more space for new adventures.
This sounds like a very honest, and much-needed, conversation that you needed to have with yourself. I hope you find peace with your decision and lots of space for new adventures!
Thank you!
Yes to letting go and new adventures. Bravo, for taking this step and listening to what you want to do.
Thanks for this!
Your ideas about failure resonate with me. I struggle with letting go of judging myself. We teach our students to fail forward, yet we are so afraid to be anything less than perfect.
Oh, I feel you on SO MANY LEVELS here.
I’m glad and grateful that you were able to take this leap. I’ve had to do the same, and while it’s scary, I’ve found that the separation, the saying no, can be quite…liberating.
What an honest post, Andrea – sounds like a difficult decision for you but the right one. I tend to be too hard on myself, too – and I am definitely trying to do too much at once!
I also tried to leave a comment on your Monday post but got a “page not found” error, so I’ll comment on that here, too. Looks like some great books for you lately! Efren Divided sounds excellent, and I have heard good things about Krueger. I’ve been wanting to read Dear Martin for ages – I should do what you did and request it from the library! And I love Jacqueline Woodson’s books.
Enjoy your books! And thanks for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment – it’s always good to hear from a fellow reader who also knows what life with chronic illness is like!
Sue
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